I have been struggling lately with a problem of one of my friends and have been giving it alot of thought. It always seems to help to write it down and get it out so this is my attempt to do so. She had a friend who she "offended" without knowing and would have never done so intentionally. I am sure we have all been in this position before, I know I have. I seem to usually speak before I think it through, and end up saying something I shouldn't or say it in a way that can be taken wrong. Today, I have been thinking of a talk from General Conference that we had a lesson on in RS this past year. It was titled "And Nothing Shall Offend Them" by David A. Bednar Nov. 2006. There is a particular paragraph I would like to share..... "when we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." I for one am usually not easily "offended". In other words it takes alot to hurt my feelings. With that being said, I believe that can not be a good combination for others who usually do get their feelings hurt more easily. Let me tell you why I think so.... I would probably do or say some things that I for one don't think is bad or hurtful, but for someone else, it might be. We all have our agency, it is something our Father in Heaven has blessed us with. It is our choice on how we respond or act to any given situation. When we believe that someone else has that power over us, does that not diminish our moral agency? If we are blessed enough to have friends, and we openly call them such, why would we believe they would intentionally do something to hurt us? Why would anything in a typical conversation, or something that happens in everyday life make us jump to the conclusion that they intentionally wanted us to feel bad? One of my all time favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Does that not also go along with this subject? I think so. I think that when we are more easily offended, or tend to get our feelings hurt more easily, it stems from the problem that alot of us women have, and that is our feeling inferior to those around us; essentially our friends. There are a few members of my ward/community who feel like they are not included or feel left out of certain activities/parties/events etc... I for one enjoy the friends I have made here, and have enjoyed ALL of their company. Sure, there might be some to whom we have better relationships, and tend to do more with, but we are never exclusive! If you ever hear of anything we are doing, or participating in and would like to also.... Call me! I can't make 50 phone calls of personal invites every time we decide to do something, so call! We are always wanting to get to know others better. And if you are one of those who are feeling left out or not included in things.... I am sure you are not alone! Invite some couples over, go out to dinner, do whatever it takes to get the ball rolling. I know there are those who worry that if they do, they will hurt or offend someone else they did not include, but you are only depriving yourself and alienating yourself from those friendships! My whole reason for this post is to tell my friends I LOVE YOU! Thanks for being my friends in spite of myself! Thanks for loving me despite my faults. And if I have ever said or done anything to hurt or "offend" you, I am so sorry. For if you are my friend I would never want to hurt you. (Even someone who hasn't been a friend, I wouldn't want to hurt...... unless you call my house at midnight to tell Cory your boiler is working now, but you still don't want your house to get cold during the night, so can he stop by in the morning. Then I might have to hurt you. (true story)) I have been so blessed with great friends! My patriarchal blessing tells me I would be blessed with friends who would "bless and uplift you". That is so true! Thanks for the blessing you are in my life, and the way you uplift me!
6 years ago
6 comments:
Katie you are a great friend! And I'll make sure you get invited to our next birthday party (I'm sure it will have to be at the hotel too...)
Katie, awesomely said, i Have struggled with this a little, but im learning to accept myself more. and that, for me, is making alot of difference. Thank you for loving me just for being me. U are a great friend. I would love to hear about your birth mom experience that you put on your blog sometime.....
katie. . thank you. we all need to hear this sometimes. You are a great friend!! Love you!
AMEN!!! I agree with you! This is truly what Friendship is all about. Thanks for the great "Life Lesson" of the day. Its a great reminder.
I previously posted comments and yes I have had to copy them for proof of what I wrote. I unintentionaly offended Jason's brother. I in general meant that I felt people who are easily offended sometimes see in their home that words or actions should be taken offensively. I had made a comment on how I had seen offense in his family, then I stated that I felt that is how they were raised(In a completely different sentence). I am not an english major and so I must have put it in a place that made them think I was meaning the Summers'. We can all think of a moment when someone close to us has spoken ill of someone or downgraded someone and their actions because of a previous offense, or because we are not willing to ask questions to know what the situation is before we judge. I apologize to you friends if I have caused any other offense. I hav decided MY comments are always taken the wrong way and so I am better as a friend if I keep to myself.
I am a little slow to read this, I don't check my email everyday. Katie what you wrote helps to put things into proper perspective. In my younger years I didn't have very close friends, so Steve has been and will be the best friend I've ever had. I'm also a reserved person, which makes it hard to make friends very easily. But here in our Bothwell ward there are so many ladies who I consider to be my friends, because of the kindness and concern you all have shown me. It all means so much, thanks a million! Courtney
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