Missing In Action

Okay... this post will be a bit different from the usual. I was in the mood to blog (finally) yesterday.... and I woke up to a virus on my computer... so it is at Dr. Chad's... so no pics to blog about. So you are stuck with my thoughts..... Here goes...... 2009 started rough for me.... and it hasn't been getting any better. No one particular reason.... and I am well aware there are way more people out there with larger than life issues and problems. Not whining.... just venting... getting it all out. I am just plain burnt out. I am looking forward to summer.... no gymnastics, no music classes, no cheer, no preschool, no nothin. (and if I were being totally honest, I wish that could include Church.... but I know that would not be good for me or my family, so we'll keep doing that one) I am looking forward to my kids being home, for more help from my older girls, and just the "break" I think I need..... .....and then I watch the Grey's Anatomy Season Finale... (which was so totally good BTW)... and I love what the narrative had to say. So I rewound, paused, and wrote it all down. Been re-reading and pondering ever since: "When something begins you generally have no idea how it's going to end... the house you were going to sell becomes your home.... the roommates you were forced to take in become your family.... & the one night stand you were determined to forget becomes the love of your life.... We spend our whole lives worrying about the future. Planning for it... trying to predict it.... as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing... the future is the home of our deepest fears & our wildest hopes, but one thing is certain.... when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. Doctors spend alot of time focused on the future - planning it - working toward it - but at some point you start to realize your life is happening NOW, not after med school, not after residency, RIGHT NOW - THIS IS IT - IT'S HERE - Blink and you'll miss it.

I LOVE YOU

I DONT EVER WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU

YOU CHANGED MY LIFE

Did you say it? Make a plan - set a goal - work toward it - but every now and then look around - drink it in - cuz this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." So I keep reading this.... and I get more and more out of it. Here is just one of the things I have got from it: I need to suck it up, deal with life cuz it's happening NOW. Gage will only have one summer where he is 3.5.... next year he'll be 4.5 and he will want and be doing different things. Kristian is a teenager... how much longer is she going to want to do things with ME instead of her friends? Kassie is lively and spunky, fun and spirited... do I take advantage of that, and enjoy it enough? Do I encourage it, or discourage it more than I should... it could be one of her greatest qualities. Kambree is starting kindergarten.... I no longer have a baby girl... she is entering that stage in life where she will be making choices without me. So this is my conclusion.... my problem with 2009 has been all me. I have been "Missing In Action". My life is happening now.... and it will not wait for me to have some "burn out time". How often so we find ourselves saying... "If I can just get this over with"? Life is happening now.... and we can't be missing in action.